Question: My seven year old son has never been a good sleeper but things have really escalated over the last few weeks. As a baby he was very colicky and I used to have to settle him to sleep. We tried controlled crying with him but he cried for 3 hours and we finally gave up. I used to spend all day pushing him round in the pram as that was the only way I could get him to sleep.
My husband and I recently had a separation and the last few years have been difficult as my husband has been very sick. We are now back together and are trying very hard to fix our marriage. Only a few weeks after we reconciled my son began to say that he could not get off to sleep. He was sleeping in the same room as his brother and so began to keep him awake too. Three weeks ago he woke over a weekend at 0400 and 0500 each day and came upstairs to tell us he couldn’t sleep. He said he was afraid of the dark, but my husband said that when he talked to him about this he seemed inconsistent and so reassured him there was nothing to be scared about and closed the door. I was more convinced about this phobia as I was afraid of the dark as a child, and also wondered if all the recent upsets may have caused this, and so allowed our son to have the bedroom door open or a night light. This caused friction between my husband and I and caused our son to start “splitting” and this caused more problems. Eventually my husband agreed to let our son
have the door open a crack. We moved him into the spare room and put up a sleep chart so that he could earn stickers and rewards for a good sleep. The chart is still empty. We have had to stop leaving a book in his room as he seemed to be deliberately waking especially early to read it (0530).We have a good bedtime routine with a shower or bath, milk and a plain biscuit, stories and then the younger child goes to sleep and our seven year old is allowed to read for 1/2 hour. We limit sugar in the childrens diets and they eat pretty healthily. They are very active and do not watch much TV.We have now got into a real battle of wills with our son. If we let him have the door open a crack he pushes it wide open. He listens to everything outside the door and leaps out of bed at the slightest provocation to see what we are doing. We have tried a hot water bottle, an extra teddy as he said he felt lonely and isolated without his brother, but nothing seems to help. He will make endless excuses – many of which are ridiculous, to get up – like sore legs or “shaky arms”. When he does not get his own way at night he gets very angry and aggressive – shouting at us and telling us we “Hate him” and “Don’t care about him” which is very traumatic.We are at a loss to know what to do. Our son is hyperactive and has dark circles under his eyes. We are both at breaking point and it is putting a huge strain on both of us.