Question: How is it possible to let the person you love lay beside you with this curse? I have been married 11 years now, turning 48 in two days and I’m shit scared of hurting my wife every time I close my eyes.
It’s nothing new for me to not like going to bed, even before my problems with slashing out and what not. I had always had problems trying to get to sleep, it always took two hours or more.But now on top of that. I dove out of bed one night and I mean full on dove into a metal cupboard. Another time I was on my knees feeling for a lock on my door because I was doing this in my dream, I remember clearly.Another was when my wife screamed to wake me up and I was holding my machete which I had brought in to take to work the next day. I have woken with my hands on her shoulders pressing hard and every night I wake the house up by swearing loudly. I saw a doctor a year and a half ago and I’m still waiting to see a brain doctor. They reckon i have to wait another 3 years because of the list I’m on. Now thats scary knowing what could happen between then and now.I’m in security so I bring home many bad thoughts. I only hope I can make it.